Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
