Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
