just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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