The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize