Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
