Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
