he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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