You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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