Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize