I just cut my nipple shaving
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
