Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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