How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
