Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
