just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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