I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
