why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
