Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
BRING THE BAGELS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
