Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
