they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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