Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
