Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
