thus making me awesome and them whores
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
