you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
