It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
