And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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