I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
