why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to cum in my sink.
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