Kiss
Puke
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
