So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
