Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Duck Duck Cougar?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
