He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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