I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
