I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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