i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
