Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
