im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
