You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I did not marry a roomba.
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