I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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