We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
