exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
only you would photoshop your dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
