I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
