Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
