school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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