I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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