We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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