just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
