Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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