I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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