oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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