remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
