Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
