listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
