The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
