So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
