That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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