real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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