I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
