This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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