yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
