He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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