We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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