I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
