I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
