i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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