I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
