You're my little dorito
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
