Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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