Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
