Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
