New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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