Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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