this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
