this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
