I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
