U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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