i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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