I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
